Which, in a sense, is an extremely true reflection of my usual, perpetual gloomy outlook on life.
Why would someone look at the half empty glass when they can easily view it as half full?
This governing personality of my life has led me to shape many decisions in my life, both for the better and for worse. In fact, some of the most dramatic decisions in my life were made, having this mindset.
It actually boils down to the concept of living every single day as though it is a gift that you actually never deserved.
To receive every single boon without the hope of expecting more in the future, and the joy of receiving something you never expected to get.
Life is a series of ups and downs, but for the optimistic person, without resilience, life can be a painful series of imaginary ups and hard hitting downs.
To be optimistic without having resilience is one of the most cruel personality combination that can be bestowed upon an individual. On one hand, he perpetually believes that life is going to be awesome, yet on the other hand, life perpetually hands him underhanded blows.
Diametrically opposite would stand the pessimistic person, without resilience (for argument's sake). This person runs through life expecting the worst, and when you perpetually expect the worst, more often than not, life, by standard deviation would give you something markedly better.
Today, I finally managed to eat at the Pokemon Cafe that I wanted to go to for such a long time.
As a pessimistic person, I naturally believed that, given the long queues, it would be impossible for me to find time to go.
Upon stumbling upon the cafe, and realizing that the queue at the cafe was a manageable 5-6 people, it was enough to lift my spirits up and make me really happy for the moment. Better, having absolutely no expectation of the quality of the food, I found that I could focus my glee at the extremely cute designs of the dish itself.
Ironically, my "expertise" in this field of pessimism, combined with a resilience borne of countless failures in life has led me to expect nothing and find joy in everything.
At work, it becomes easy for me to take pleasure in the simple things, like solving a difficult loan calculation, or getting a simple, unexpected, compliment from a customer for going the extra mile. Having a pessimistic outlook on human reactions also leads me to be extremely cautious in my dealings with people - always according respect first, before extending friendship, and finally kinship. This methodology, while not the trait of choleric socialites, has helped me to navigate through some of the toughest relational situations in my life.
That's not to say it doesn't come with its downside (as some would gleefully point out to me).
Pessimism drives my perspective of the future. - While I would not say that I am a very enterprising person, it has prevented me from taking risks that "might" have taken me much further in life.
An example is the offer from a big investor in 2014 to help me open up a cafe / F&B related business. Naturally, I rejected that person, given that I did not believe that I had the capabilities to, and I had a stark outlook on the F&B industry in Singapore. Dejected, he redirected his funds to another cafe and that cafe seems to be doing fairly well.
Nonetheless, even if I am offered such a boon today, I would likely still say no.
This hyper-pessimistic outlook has reached to such a point when I close my inward eyes toward the future and find myself living the "today" much more than the "tomorrow" or moping about the "past".
Being happy with the simplest things helps me to be happy and at peace with everything.
Now, where is God in the equation?
To me, God is the source of all blessings. And to find blessings in the smallest of things help you find God in everything.
To see the smile on the cardboard box carrying aunty when you give her your breakfast (even though she would most likely throw it away... - see? pessimism), is to see God smiling back at you.
To see the cool rain in the morning warms my heart, because I know that there is a high chance tons of people will be late at office, and I probably wouldn't need to rush so much.
To get a small snack from my boss after a hard morning of work becomes an unexpected blessing, because you know that even if it might be the stuff that he or she doesn't want to eat and passes to you, at the very least, you are in their mind.
In a sense, at the very end of my life, to know that you live your life expecting nothing but, in reality gaining everything, is my form of contentment.
Am I happy? - Yes. I am.
But am I pessimistic as well?.....
... You actually read to the end?
Well done. Thanks. =)
